"And I'm Jon Bobson"
"And welcome to Splundsday night Dreadball"
"What's on the slate for tonight Bob?"
"Well Jon, we have a double header between the Neutrinos and the Brickies and Dorxmund play their first game of the season tonight against the Wasps"
"Gosh Bob, that's a salivating line up"
"It sure is, especially for the Orx guards who look like they're trying to eat their assistant coach!"
"So, you can catch up on the action in the Dorxmund/Wasps game over on ISPN2 and we'll be covering the Neutrinos/Brickies matches"
"And that's kick off Bob!"
"Wow, straight from the opening launch the Neutrinos striker, Mykul O'wen has scooped up the ball, tiptoed down the sideline and slammed the ball in for a 3 pointer!"
"What a sensational start Bob!"
"The Brickies are looking to retaliate with their best players Jon.... And their Guards have put 2 Neutrinos players back into the dug out, including Mykul O'wen"
"That'll teach him for showboating Bob"
"It will Jon, especially as the Brickies have nailed a one pointer there!"
"Great work by that striker Bob, there were holes everywhere in the Neutrinos backfield"
"Ok, we're back in play and the Neutrinos are really pushing that ball Jon"
"That they are Bob, and with a little ducking and diving, that's another 3 point strike! This one converted by Garyth Bayull"
"Gosh Jon, the Brickies are looking a bit overwhelmed in their debut game"
"That they are Bob..... But wait, their star guard is looking to clear a path the through into the Neutrino 3 point zone"
"What an idea by the Neutrino jack, Tobias Redshirt, who has run interference and slammed into the Brickies guard to try to halt his momentum!"
"That's brave play Bob"
"Some would say foolhardy Jon as his head is quite literally knocked from his shoulders by the surging forgefather!"
"That's gotta smart Bob"
"And the Brickies drive appears to have run out of steam..... And Garyth Bayull has stolen the ball from the Brickies striker, dodged into the 2 point zone and ended the game on rush 5!"
"Now that was a game and a half Bob..... Well, it was half a game at least"
"It was Jon and it leaves plenty of time for a word from our sponsors, Nuka Cola Quantum - all the chemicals you need to boost you through the day!"
"Great thoughts Bob, I might just reach for a Quantum now, can I get you one?"
"Yes please Jon, although it in no way impairs our objectivity of this game, right?"
"That's right Bob! Anyway it's a quick turnaround here and the Neutrinos have been strengthened by the addition of a new guard and a new striker, with Tobias Redshirt sold for parts"
"Always nice to see people recycling Jon"
"Anyway, the ball is out and the Brickies are darting around it..... Oh no, their striker trips on a poorly tied shoelace and crashes into the hex with the ball!"
"That's ok Jon, the ball hasn't gone far and the striker is back on his feet"
"Not for long Bob as the infamous Neutrino guard, Vinnee J'ones has crashed into him"
"And Mykul O'wen has scooped up the loose ball and scampered in for a 3 point strike!"
"Wow Bob, what can the Brickies do from here?"
"They can try to score Jon! And here is a striker who has got to the 2 point scoring zone and has extra help from his coach for this one! Surely he can't miss from here......?"
"......Sadly he can Bob, just doesn't seem fair, does it?"
"Anyway Bob, Garyth Bayull has the ball and is swooping towards the 3 point zone"
"And the Neutrinos new guard has decide to teach the Brickies striker a lesson for trying to score Jon"
"Ouch, that's gonna hurt..... Especially as Vinnee J'ones has just delivered a tremendous blow to the back of the star Brickies guard's head, sending him to the bin for 3 turns"
"What a turnaround Jon! The Brickies striker saw the guard coming and has pole-axed him with a level 2 injury!"
"It really is a funny old game Bob..... But Garyth Bayull restores some sanity by converting that 3 point strike"
"It's a mountain for the Brickies to climb now Jon"
"But climb it they'll try Bob - whoa, where did that Veer-myn striker come from? He's got to the 4 point strike hex!"
"He's their underdog bonus Jon and the Brickies seem to be playing patta-cake with Garyth Bayull in their strike zone Jon, he's dodged 2 tackles so far"
"That's right Bob but the Brickies striker has the ball and is trying to launch it to the Veer-myn player...... Oh that's a poor throw, but the Veer-myn player is stretching to get it....... Oh, bounced off his fingertips and the ball is loose!"
"So unlucky Jon, they'd have been right back in it if that Hail Mary play had worked out"
"That's right Bob, but here comes the Neutrino striker Luthor Blissit to recover the ball in his own strike zone.... And Garyth Bayull is making himself available for a play....."
"So he is Jon, and Luthor picks up the ball with ease and scoots around the Veer-myn striker"
"Did I just see the Brickies coach say 'snake-hipped' Bob?"
"You did Jon and there's the throw from Blissit.... And it's the perfect throw, which Bayull makes a meal of but just manages the catch"
"This should be all over now Bob"
"Indeed it is Jon as Bayull waltzes in and converts the 1 pointer to end the game on rush 7"
"Great couple of results for the Neutrinos Bob and a tough introduction for the Brickies"
"I'll tell you what though Jon, I'm looking forward to the Brickies games against Dorxmund, they could well be very brutal indeed!"
"Too true Bob, too true"
"So, that's all from us at ISPN1, enjoy the rest of the intergalactic time units remaining in your local day/night cycles folks!"